Why oh why oh why did I install new sound drivers? Now I know what music sounds like to deaf people. Because I am dim, I can't remember what version I had previously, so now I have to try all past drivers until Winamp decides not to remix everything Kit Clayton-style. This would all be remedied by the purchase of new soundcard - I have my eye on the Audiophile 24/96 but it will have to wait for new computer. Bah humbug.

Catspew - yes, I am turning into Victor Meldrew: I have a cardigan, and in an attempt to stop Jesus freak neighbour parkling in front of our window (which blocks the light out) I am considering editing the New Internationalist NO WAR! poster in the window to say NO CAR! instead. Bah humbug.

The US military has been making itself popular in Iraq by shooting protesters who apparently threw stones at them. God knows what would have happened if they'd had pointed sticks. Or sharpened guava halves.