Blah blah blah. Hi kids, I have been away to some places where I did stuff and saw squirrels.

At school today I wrote a hex-to-ascii converter, it was fun. On Monday I will do something else.

I have been playing Vice City like all the other sad kids, though I reckon it's only for people who were kids in the 80's. Hopefully these people can tell the difference between knocking someone off their motorbike with a machete game-style and actually doing it for real. Which would be fairly difficult. Have you got any bread?

Having realised that most of my site visitors are either a) me, or b) Googlebot, I found some stuff about Robots & Spiders & Crawlers which I have nearly read some of.

Have moved all my stuff to the 4th floor at work, next to an incredibly noisy Sun station with its 800 fans, which people have apparently been using to defrost Creme Eggs with. Ooo Return of the Jedi tonight, in which there is much not-joining of the Dark Side. According to the book, after Han Solo comes out of the carbonite his first thought is of what to have for breakfast. I bet it was two jelly babies and a mustard sandwich.

Well, the Slough Bonfirework Extravatacular turned out to be a damp squib, like a dyslexic Kraken. Watched Lord of the Rings instead while eating seaweed. Don't know whose idea it was to make the Horn of Gondor sound like a parping fish van, but it diverted all the humour from Elrond's eyebrow/mullet combo, which I expect was in revenge for all those times he got stuffed in Beorn's cupboard with a dead warg.

Have been having fun with Reason except I'm not sure I want to spend £300 on the full version because I can only seem to get delayed farting noises out of it, and I can do those myself for free. It looks nice though, lots of knobs to twiddle without actually knowing what they do, just like the cooker.

n.b. Quinquireme's Mothman/Transformers theory was that they were both on TV for a while, then suddenly they weren't. Or 'almost suddenly'. Maybe.

I can't have done very much last week. Except the washing up.

However, last night I watched Revelation which contained all the Ususal Suspects - the Templars, Rennes-le-Chateau, the NSA, sacred geometry, cryptography, and...er...the Trellick Tower. Except it was pants. Not just normal pants but outsize sweaty Bernard Manning pants. It was like Raiders of the Lost Ark with no action or suspense. Oh wait, there was some action, but it was some bloke noncing about in the dark waiting for clown school to finish. And Terence Stamp hamming it up some. Shame, cos I wanted it to be a good film, and it should have been, given all the material they had.

So after that we watched The Mothman Prophecies which scared the bejesus out of me until it turned into a disaster movie in the last 15 minutes and I was suddenly reminded of Quinquireme's Mothman/Transformers theory. Still, based on a true story, eh...and some nice David Lynch touches like telephones in motel rooms, roads at night...and trees. You don't see enough trees in films (apart from in the godawful Blair Witch Project where there are too many).

At least there's the promise of the Slough Bonfire Spectaculavaganza tonight, where Slough burns to the ground after reaching critical mass of 16-year-old single mothers with be-earringed kids.

Daniel Bedingfield is a scary man.